Financial Journey
(featured column)
Christmas
Outside of the Box
by
Karen Kuebler
Christmas is the
time of year that brings up all kinds of emotions for us. It is a joyful
time, but it also a time where we miss our loved ones who are no longer with us.
It is a festive time, and also a time of year where our pocket books might be
crying out “feed me, feed me.” It is certainly a time of year that
requires a great deal of balance to counter the variety of emotions that any one
of us might be experiencing. In light of this, I decided that I wanted to
share some ideas to help discover that peace and joy of the holidays, while
still giving ourselves permission to experience and acknowledge particular
emotions that might be difficult at this time of year. More...
My parents have all passed on – the last one I said good-bye to
was my Step-Dad in August of 1998. He was very special to me. I was
fortunate to have a close relationship with two fathers. This is one of
the comforting thoughts I draw on to give me peace when I miss my parents.
We had wonderful Christmases together over many, many years. I felt
Christmas would never be the same after my Mother died, as she was the heart of
our Christmas celebrations. It wasn’t the same. Yet, it has evolved into
something very different with new traditions and new friends and family to
celebrate the season. This also brings me a different sense of peace.
I lost my youngest son almost two years ago in
January 2004, but I have found a couple of ways to help me find peace and solace
through the holidays by honoring and remembering him. He left us with a
beautiful little granddaughter, and I have the opportunity to experience the
world through her beautiful and innocent spirit and through her wondrous eyes
wide open with curiosity. I also give my son his birthday and Christmas
gifts by donating to a charity that he would be proud of, and that benefits
others so that they might not have to suffer as much. I have developed a
very strong bond with his wife and our relationship has flourished more than
ever over the last few years.
I have created some new traditions of my own in the past five years, and it has
been extremely therapeutic. My Mom always served ham for Christmas, and
that particular tradition is one I have clung to because I love ham! But I
did change our Thanksgiving holiday menu significantly. We still have
turkey, but I’ve created my own gourmet versions that make for a healthier and
lighter dinner menu. The first year I decided to change the family
recipes, I felt a little guilty. But they have become our new traditional
meals. We have developed a very close family of friends, since we live far
from any family members, and together have established new rituals.
When I was younger, my Mom always invited people for Thanksgiving dinner that
didn’t have family to be with. When I grew older, my parents would
travel to our home and spend Thanksgiving with us. Now, we invite several
friends who don’t have family in the area to share the holiday with. It
isn’t the same as being with my parents, but it is wonderful and filled with
love and caring. It isn’t coincidence that the tradition my Mom
established of inviting others to be part of our family has gone full circle –
and I’m doing the same. A tradition was born and carries on, even though
my Mom isn’t physically here with me.
This Christmas we’ll also celebrate one of our newly created traditions with
our friends. Several friends will be coming to our house for dinner and
they will bring a dish to go with the meal, although I enjoy fixing most of the
main course. Everything was bought over the past couple of months, on sale
of course! We exchange white elephant gifts (something we no longer want
around our house) so that it doesn’t cost a cent for the gifts and we share so
much fun and laughter during the evening. Some of us leave with gifts that
we want to keep, and others leave with gifts that will be donated to the
Goodwill!
Instead of going to my parent’s house for Christmas, we drive to San Diego to
spend it with one of our children. We have created a new tradition of
having Christmas in San Diego over the past several years and it is very
special. Only in San Diego can you hike along the coast at Torrey Pines
State Park and enjoy the beautiful sunny weather on Christmas day. I still
bring the ham over for Christmas dinner (some things are meant to stay the
same!) but now we have our son’s cats sitting with us and begging throughout
the meal.
Remember to do some of the following activities to create a peaceful holiday
season, no matter what cards life has dealt you:
•
Get as much physical activity as you can handle – walking is great.
•
Attempt to eat lightly, since stuffing yourself will only bring more physical
discomfort; eat slowly and take small servings – stop when you are full and
remind yourself you can have more later (the food won’t evaporate!).
•
Associate with family and friends – don’t allow yourself to isolate.
•
Call family and friends to say “hello” – you can keep the expense low by
using low cost calling plans.
• Listen to
soothing music – whether it be Christmas carols or whatever you find relaxing.
• Although it is difficult, work at creating
positive associations with the memories you have of your loved ones.
•
Don’t overspend to ‘buy’ happiness – set a budget early in the year for
Christmas and stick to it. Overspending and/or going into debt will only
heighten feelings of depression and stress. (Use our printable holiday
gift budget worksheet or our holiday
spending worksheet to help you stay within your budget!)
•
Give gifts from the heart – things you have made, coupons for special services
(e.g. babysitting or house sitting), or sentimental items you want to regift –
this will help fill your spirit without emptying your pocketbook.
• Take the time you need to take care of
yourself – holidays can be very stressful, so set your boundaries and do what
you are comfortable with doing. I had to give up sending Christmas cards
long ago. I felt guilty at first, but the feelings have passed!
I really didn’t plan to write this particular article when I sat down to
write. I just felt I had a message inside of me that I wanted to share.
Life changes, circumstances, change, the people we love won’t always be here
in this physical plane with us – but we can still find many ways to bring the
“Spirit” of the holiday season into our lives, and the lives of those who
are close to us. Our individual pain can also be lessened by sharing
with others. My wish for each of you is that you have a very special and
peaceful holiday season. Explore, and you will discover, ways to bring
happiness and peace into your own life and the lives of your loved ones.
Keep safe, be happy, and enjoy this special season!
* * *
Copyright
© 2005 by Karen Kuebler. All rights reserved.
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