Financial Journey
(featured column)
Experiencing
Joy Through this Holiday Season
by Karen
Kuebler
The holiday
season is a joyous time of year. It has always been a favorite time of the
year for me, but as I've gotten older, I have had to learn to face new realities
of life that can impact the holidays. When I was young, it was all about
the gifts, the steak dinner on Christmas Eve, ham dinner on Christmas, and a few
fun traditions our family had grown to enjoy. More...
I remember checking under the tree
each day to see if any new gifts had appeared, and then shaking them and trying
to guess what was in them. My sister and I were really pretty good about
not sneaking, but I do remember one year where we each opened one of the other's
gifts from an aunt. Since we were both laughing so hard, we ended up
looking at our own gifts. But, that is the only time I snuck a peak!
I wanted to concentrate this article on some of the new realities I've learned
to face, and ideas to help with the tougher aspects of holidays so that we can
still feel the joy and share the spirit with our loved ones.
I'm not going to focus on the debt we accrue or the expectations of children
increasing with the onslaught of media advertising and "keeping up with the
Joneses." We have several articles to help discuss ways to plan and
buy ahead, stick with a budget, hold open discussion with children to manage
their expectations and decrease feelings of entitlement, etc.
The cause of stress during the holidays can be generated by a variety of things.
We are all aware that stress often leads to spending more money. That is
NOT our goal here! I would like to talk about other avenues where stress
may sneak up on us, there are effective ways to deal with it and still stick
with our spending plans, plus bring more joy into our lives.
Although managing gift giving is an ongoing challenge, my focus deals more with
relationships. I'm talking about relationships with family, friends, strangers,
colleagues, etc. I loved it when our family lived close enough that we
could visit all of our parents during the holidays. The worst tension
might be which parent you spend Christmas Eve with and which one you spend
Christmas day with (believe me, this was a very real tension for me when I was a
newlywed!)
As we grow older, life changing events occur. We move away, or family
moves away. We lose loved ones as time goes by. I'm ashamed to admit
this, but after we lost all of our parents, I started thinking Christmas wasn't
that exciting anymore because it wasn't about "me." It was all
about me getting gifts together for several children and grandchildren, but our
kids were too poor to afford gifts, and I wasn't receiving gifts from my parents
anymore. Now, how selfish is that? You can accuse me of a lot of
things, but not of being dishonest!
I had to actually reframe my focus on the joy of giving gifts to others for a
change. I love giving something special that fits the person, and if I can
make gifts they have even more meaning for me. Yes, life changed. I
started to get excited about how the recipient would react when they opened my
gift, and hoped they enjoyed it as much as I did in giving it or making it for
them. I found this was a wonderful way to exploit my hobbies and find ways
to make gifts that would fit with my hobbies. Not only does the hobby
relieve stress during a potentially stressful season, but it brings a since of
satisfaction and inner peace.
The first year my husband and I lived away from all family during Thanksgiving,
we were trying to decide how to celebrate it. When my parents were living,
they flew to our home for Thanksgiving, so that made that a new and special
tradition from the old pattern of going to my Mom's house every year. Our
first year alone we decided to go to a very nice restaurant in town. Now,
don't get me wrong. Some people love going out to eat for the holidays.
But, my husband and I realized something that my Mom had told me years ago when
we had all moved away and she and Dad went to a restaurant. She told me it
was so lonely and she couldn't enjoy the food at all since she had a big lump in
her throat throughout the meal.
As a result of my Mom's experience at the restaurant, she changed her
pattern in the following years and started inviting guests with no other home to
go to for the holidays. And, that is exactly what we did the year after
our restaurant experience. We were relatively new in town and didn't have an
invitation to go to a friend's house. We invited a couple of people who
didn't have family in the area, and the word spread and we ended up with a nice
group of people who didn't all know each other. We had so much fun that
evening, and way too much food!! We split our leftovers and took all the
desserts to a place in town that helps serve the homeless. By creating a
new tradition, we discovered joy in the holiday that we had never experienced
before, and everybody had a fantastic time. I never received so many "thank
you's" for a dinner in my life!
There is always the telephone. Many times on Mother's Day, Father's Day,
or our birthdays, we spend hours on the phone with our children. We very
often open our gifts over the phone together. Our kids are a little less
poor, and they always get us something. The cost doesn't matter, the
thought they put into the gifts they give us means the world to us. There
are so many low cost calling plans available, we use one through the internet
that costs us 2.9 cents per minute. We often call our children back so they don't
incur the costs, but for $15 we could be on the phone in touch with family for 8
hours! Make sure to expand your calling lists to others that you are
missing, or that might be feeling lonely and would benefit from a caring
discussion.
Take some time during the holidays to read inspirational success stories, either
by yourself or out loud with the family. The tears we shed are often tears
of joy, and they also are a reminder that we are not the only ones going through
difficult times or experiencing painful emotions.
We have started a tradition (with the help of an inspirational book I read) to
honor our loved ones who are no longer with us. I have to say this is one
of the most effective methods we have used to still bring joy and fun into our
holidays. Did they have a favorite food, game, television sport, memories
of past times together? By bringing it out in the open and sharing it
together, we are acknowledging them candidly and lovingly. Sometimes,
holding feelings of sadness and loss inside are more detrimental; what stays
bottled up could be harmful and add more stress, without our even realizing it.
We have also followed this tradition on special days, such as the birthday of a
loved one who has left us. We feel much better about celebrating their
life and not focusing as much on their loss.
If there are some feelings between family members that are creating tension,
this could be the perfect time to patch things over. Some of the craziest
events lead to a riff in families! Decide that you want to move beyond
that and take the first step. Talk to your family involved and let them
know you love them, and nothing is worth creating this kind of separation among
family members.
When your life seems really down and out, one of the best remedies is to do
something special for others whose lives are worse off than our own. I
haven't served food at a soup kitchen, although I have friends who have said
that makes them feel more blessed and thankful for what they have. However, I
have had family members who had to eat at homeless shelters. I have taken
brownies or something special to the shelter to brighten the days of those less
fortunate. I have also made little goody bags and kept them in the car to
hand out to people who are asking for help. One night we gave a man a
couple of bags of food and he told us his sleeping bag had been stolen. We
went to a store and bought him a new sleeping bag. Sure, he could have
been looking for a handout, or maybe he really did need a sleeping bag.
But, in the end, it's how we feel about what we have done that matters.
I have read about those who practice "random acts of kindness"
everyday. They remain completely anonymous and don't really care if
the individual they have helped knows it was them. This is truly giving of
yourself, because you are working from complete anonymity and love. I've
done this a couple of times, but have not made a habit of it. Perhaps this
should be a new goal for me in 2007.
I will mention again that stress can lead to poor judgment. This may
result in spending unnecessary money, or it might be indulging in behaviors that
aren't good for our bodies such as eating or drinking too much. Be sure to
take good care of yourself. If you don't, others can't do it for you.
Make sure you get appropriate exercise, nutrition, and sleep. Engage in
calming activities such as listening to music, taking a bath, treating yourself
to a nap, watching a favorite movie, or reading a book. Look for events in
town where you can get out and be with others to develop Holiday spirit and make
new contacts. Invite several friends over and make it a simple, but fun
event. Everybody can bring a favorite appetizer and a "white elephant"
gift (something from their home they want to get out of there.) This is an
inexpensive and fun way to celebrate holidays with others.
My underlying message is simple, but not always easy to practice. We can
have tough times going on in our lives that could rob us of enjoying the
beautiful spirit of the Holidays. I hope I have provided ideas that can
help to counter some of those situations that you might be facing this Holiday
season. Know that there are others facing difficult times and reach out to
them. It is possible to create love and joy in your life, even during
tough times. I wish you all a blessed, safe, and joyous Season for 2006,
and a bright future in 2007!
* * *
Copyright
© 2006 by Karen Kuebler. All rights reserved.
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