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, 2010 |
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Financial Journey
My New Journey Continues
I would be
remiss if I didn’t begin this article by thanking all of our readers who have
reached out and sent me messages of consolation and support since my last
article, Life Takes a Dramatic Change,
was printed. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Your messages were so comforting
and helped ease the pain of going through the holidays without my sweet husband,
Bob. I’ll share more about the holidays in this article, but first wanted to
address the resounding thoughts that came through in your many messages. More...
First and foremost was the outpouring of sympathy for my loss, and it made me realize how much our readers have also become our friends over the years that BetterBudgeting has been published. Secondly, several found the article helpful in that it provided a wake-up call for them. Many expressed gratitude for sharing my own experience to help them start thinking and planning in advance about critical issues related to the loss of your loved one and having to assume all of the responsibilities. Another important message that came from so many was empathy for what I was going through because they had experienced the loss of their loved one. In a few cases, they had been pretty well prepared to take on the difficult tasks that have to be dealt with when losing your partner. However, in most situations, they had not prepared in advance and wished that they had received input earlier in order to undertake the arduous work that presents itself and feels almost impossible to handle. As I had mentioned, it was the most difficult article I’ve ever had to write. It will probably continue to feel that way for some time. However, it was heartwarming to know that sharing my experience was helpful to so many readers. Since my goal has always been to inspire others to achieve their dreams, your messages have motivated me to overcome whatever discomfort I might be feeling when writing about my current journey. This situation has demonstrated how much we all help each other. It certainly does take a village, doesn’t it? You have communicated to me how I’ve inspired you and I want it to be clear how much each of you has encouraged me to keep writing during this very challenging part of my life. Now to address how I fared through the holidays. I’m going to be honest, as I always am, with both the good and the bad. It didn’t help that Bob’s birthday was November 10th which was difficult to get through. I planned in advance to help me handle this day. I invited four of my very close friends to go to lunch to celebrate Bob’s life. The social connection was therapeutic, but I did experience melancholy feelings at the same time I enjoyed being with close friends. It also happened to be the last day of the bereavement group I was attending. That was fortuitous, since I was able to take this melancholy feeling and deal with it at the bereavement group. We met longer than usual that day because it was the last day we would be together. Many feelings and experiences were shared, lots of tears shed, and it proved to be a cathartic experience for all of us. I went home to spend the evening cuddling with our two adorable cats. I made plans to travel for Thanksgiving to spend a week with our daughter and several of our grandchildren, their spouses, and three great grandchildren. I started feeling poorly about a week before I was scheduled to leave. I’m not sure what was going on with me. It felt like I was going to catch a cold and I was just very weak. I decided to cancel the trip because I couldn’t fathom handling humongous crowds at the airport, lugging all of my stuff around while traveling alone yet again. I was disappointed that I would miss all of the family, but felt it was the right thing to do, and they were very understanding. I plan to reschedule the trip sometime during the Spring. I spent a quiet day at home even though I did have some invitations from friends here in town. Somehow it felt like the right thing to do this year. My furry babies were great company and I enjoyed a yummy rotisserie chicken and watched a comforting movie. I drove to San Diego for Christmas to spend it with my son. He was alone and I definitely didn’t want him to spend the holidays by himself. A friend loaned me some wonderful historical CD’s to listen to while driving. I became completely engaged in the lives of people who have shaped our world throughout the years. That made the trip to and from San Diego much easier for me than when I made the same journey in July. I made a mental note to get some great historical audio books for future driving trips since I am fascinated by them and it didn’t leave time to ruminate about Bob over and over. I will get these free from the library, of course! Although it did not feel like Christmas for me this year, my son and I had a fantastic visit and wonderful quality time together. We found a great deal from Blockbuster—for $10 we could rent as many DVD’s as we wanted for a week. You could trade them 10 times a day if you were able to watch that many movies in a day! We were going to go to the movies, but in San Diego a matinee movie will run a minimum of $15 for two. My son was very conscientious of money matters and so we both decided Blockbuster was the better deal. He was able to use the offer a few days after I left and we were able to get the equivalent of at least $80 worth of rentals for a week! We went out to dinner each night I was there. We focused on places that provided delicious food at economical prices. On Christmas day, we found a reasonably priced deli restaurant with a great reputation. Given what I have spent to prepare a nice dinner at home on Christmas day, I thought it was a great deal! The best part about this experience for me was what happened as we ordered our dinner. Bob and I always either split a meal or ordered two entrees that appealed to us and split them in half (depending on how hungry we were). This was the first time I was able to share this experience with my son. We found two entrees that really appealed to both of us and we decided to order one of each and share them. That was very special for me, given that this was a difficult holiday to get through and it was so reminiscent of the way Bob and I always dined out. We cherished our togetherness—visiting, watching great movies (which has always been one of our favorite family activities), and mostly enjoying our precious time together. I have learned many things through this grieving process, but the most important one is to make sure to appreciate every treasured moment you have together with loved ones. Our favorite memories often come from the simplest moments—not the expensive dinners out or extravagant vacations. I drove home before the New Year’s holiday—my friends who were taking care of my cats were going to San Diego to visit family over this holiday and I was going to take care of their cat while they were gone. This is a money saving technique which we have used over the years—exchange home/pet sitting with friends rather than paying for a pet sitter or taking furry babies to a pet motel which can be very expensive. There are times when we are out of town at the same time, so I have found other friends who are more than happy to come over and spend time with my cuddly babies. I spent New Year’s Eve alone and that was fine with me. I had an early breakfast planned with a close friend on New Year’s Day. We spent time by the fireplace in the restaurant visiting for a couple of hours. Later in the day, I was invited to join very dear friends of ours for dinner. Initially, this had been an awkward situation—feeling like a third wheel with another couple while not being with my sweetheart. I have learned that true friends embrace me as part of their family. They loved Bob too and are also mourning his loss. I am finding that I am overwhelmed by thoughts and ideas I want to share. I stated in my previous article that if I’m not in control emotionally, then many other important matters could easily fall by the wayside. I am obviously still dealing with several heartfelt issues. Unfortunately, there is not a guidebook to tell us how long we will be dealing with the grief of a great loss. While writing this article I was compelled to discuss my experiences related to getting through key milestone days without Bob, realizing that many of our readers are living this experience with me. I have been utilizing an array of coping mechanisms while making a variety of financial decisions during this time, providing ample subject matter for future articles. In the process of sharing my experiences along with ways to economize, there is one theme that resonates above all else—money does not buy happiness. In conclusion, I want to emphasize a couple
of areas where my awareness has become more heightened since Bob has left. Throughout
the next year, resolve
to focus on enjoying every precious moment with the people that you truly value.
Cultivate your relations with family and your friendships because they are the
ones that will help you get through the difficult times, while also bringing joy
into your life. My
sincere hope is that you will all find the next year to bring you much happiness
and peace.
* * *
Copyright © 2010 by Karen Kuebler. All rights reserved. Want more money-saving tips? Get a FREE Subscription to our monthly newsletter! |
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