Financial Journey
(featured column)

Mindfulness Will Help You Prevail During Tough Times

by Karen Kuebler 

What a mess! We’re all feeling and experiencing this financial crisis to different degrees. Our goal at BetterBudgeting.com is to help each and every reader to have and learn the tools to help them work through the drastic times we are encountering and to achieve their personal financial goals. I have written several articles in the past sharing a variety of things we have done to survive. At first I considered sharing more ideas to cut our spending as we have looked at ways to cut deeper. However, there are many great articles on the site that have covered this topic very well.  More...

I think that it is important to discuss the mental and emotional effects of our economy on each one of us and how to get control of these. It requires this balance and is critical in order to take the physical and technical steps to survive a financial crisis, as well as other crises in our lives.

I am the first to admit that I am a worrier – I might even take first prize for worrying if we were to have a contest. I have actually improved in this area over the years, but it has taken constant and diligent work to overcome this habit. I’ve learned that the only purpose worry serves is to motivate me to plan for the future.

The first technique I practice is to ask myself if I have any control over the matter. I’ve learned that the amount of control I have comes in varying degrees – it’s not always a simple yes or no answer. If I have absolutely no control, then drop it even if I have to keep reminding myself “I have no control over this situation.” I often develop an alternative message to say to myself when this worry pops up over and over. Sometimes it eventually stops coming to my mind because I have retrained my thinking.

An example of this is my anxiety over a loved one’s health, and perhaps choices being made that are detrimental to good health, and the ultimate fear that I will lose this special person. I remind myself that I have no control over that individual’s choices and decisions and I can’t change another person’s lifestyle. I can only control my own. I’m not saying it is easy to stop agonizing, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t care, but in reality I absolutely have no control over another person’s choices.

If the answer is yes, I do have either some measure of control in this matter, or I have complete control of this situation, then it is time to decide what I am going to do about it. For example, do I have control over the volatility of the stock market? Of course not. But I do have control over how I will react to what is going on. I can choose how I will allocate my resources. Since I already have resources allocated in the market, I have to decide whether to panic and sell, or to ride it out and hold our positions. I chose to make calculated decisions based on logic and analysis, rather than panic.  I can also decide how I will spend and/or save money. I do have more control than it initially appears in how our financial situation will turn out in the end.

Remember that not all choices are black and white. Often times there are alternatives and it requires clear thinking and planning, not worrying and anxiety, to be creative and discover new or different choices. For example, should we take this vacation that we have been looking forward to for months, but set our savings back several hundreds, or thousands of dollars? I know you’ve heard this one before, but I’ll suggest it again. Vacation at home.

Were you planning a trip to Italy? Take the trip in the comfort of your own home. Check the library and you will find DVD’s on a variety of locations in Italy. Let your imagination take you there while you are watching them. Find some Italian recipes that you can cook at home, and plan a few take out dinners from local Italian restaurants. Watch operas, and play music from Italy in the background. Turn off the phones and let people know you are going on vacation. Rent some movies that will give you the flavor of Italy, such as Under the Tuscan Sun, A Room with A View, and Roman Holiday.  Spread a picnic blanket and enjoy some chianti, fresh bread from the bakery and cheese while you are watching movies.

You get the idea – wherever it is you want to go, you can create that experience and adventure at home and know you’ll sleep well at night in the comfort of your own bed while protecting your financial assets. It might not be your first choice, but difficult times require sacrifice – like it or not. Two years ago we had planned a wonderful vacation to go to France with some dear friends. My husband became dangerously ill and we had to cancel everything. We survived. Now that I’m writing this, it just dawned on me that I still need to plan our France vacation at home!

Another important lesson I have learned through the years is that much of my worrying results from my struggle with setting boundaries in my life. This has been another area that I have worked to overcome. I’m far from perfect, but I’ve made improvement. I have found myself saying “yes” when I really want to say “no” much more than I’d like to admit. This includes loaning money to relatives in need. There is not an easy answer to this dilemma, but I have had to learn when it is appropriate to loan the money or when it is not. Actually, it isn’t a loan – it’s a gift, since I never have been paid back. Again, my issues with setting boundaries are ruled by my emotions of worry and/or guilt. Learning to overcome these emotions has been a lifelong job, but it is necessary in order to live a life of balance.

During extremely difficult times, it is important to focus on mindfulness. When your mind becomes filled with fears, pain, grief, or worries – catch yourself and shift your mindset. Focus on the present moment. Get in touch with your senses and your environment. Think about the sounds you are hearing, the smells around you, the people, the touch of the fabric you are wearing or sitting on, everything you are seeing and sensing. It is extremely challenging to stay in the present moment, but a wonderful gift to achieve. Most of our pain comes from living in the past or future, unless we are thinking pleasant thoughts of the past and/or future.

We all have control over our decisions related to our own lifestyle, mental well-being, finances, relationships, and more. Life happens, and it isn’t always great stuff. However, we choose how we will react. If you make choices from your mind and not your emotions, then your decisions will be more clearly thought out and well planned. Remember that you are not alone in this world, and take advantage of the resources you have to help you through the tough times! My goal in writing this is to help us all remember we will survive this and we do have the capability to grow by enduring tough journeys! 

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Copyright © 2008 by Karen Kuebler. All rights reserved.